Mindful: To start right at the beginning: Can you explain a little bit about the origins of the term “confined masculinity” and why you chose that word to use in your book, instead of “toxic masculinity”? Adams: Both Ed and I decided early on we really don’t like that term, because it seems to implicate all men, and shame men for being men. The issue isn’t toxic masculinity. The issue is how our idea of what it means to be a man is so limited....
“Wait! Not me,” you might say. “I’m an anti-materialist. I KNOW that my happiness is not tied to stuff.” But what about that yoga retreat in Maui? That perfect zafu stuffed with organic rice hulls? The latest book our meditation teacher wrote, which will finally inspire us to achieve maximum mindfulness? The ultimate meditation practice that we will create…one day (as soon as our kid goes to college and we can take over his room)?...
Throughout history and across cultures, other social scientists, philosophers, religious scholars, poets, and laypeople alike have grappled with the all-important issue of meaning. Today, more and more research underscores that experiencing meaning may improve our well-being and help us cope and thrive. And the modern explosion of knowledge, abundance of choice, and fast pace of technology only make existential questions about meaning and purpose more pressing. But meaning is hard to put our fingers on....
Intentions help you stay oriented toward your goal when strong emotions, exhaustion, boredom, or hunger threaten to throw you off course. Intentions connect deeply to your true heart’s desire, to what really matters to you, and use that rudder to set your course forward. An intention isn’t a wish or a fantasy. It isn’t a proclamation of who or how you think you should be. It comes from truly listening to what’s important for you to feel most alive and, well, yourself....
Keep in mind that sometimes your thoughts tell you important and useful information about yourself. For instance, you might think, Hmmm, I really should get out and exercise. That kind of voice is not the problem. Usually, however, there are other, negative voices attaching a huge amount of judgment to such thoughts—I’m lazy, I’m ugly, I’m bad, and so on. Learning to be less susceptible to these negative voices and cultivating loving-kindness for yourself does not mean ignoring the wisdom that comes from seeing yourself clearly....
How to Shift Away From Feeling Stuck The Three Rs 1. Recognize how you’re feeling The first step in the practice is to recognize what you’re feeling. That brings blood flow to the prefrontal cortex which is involved with emotion regulation, impulse control, and having a sense of perspective. It allows us to step into that space between stimulus and response where choice, possibility, and growth lie. 2. Release what you’re holding in your body Then we can recognize that we’re carrying this in our bodies, so we need to release it....
We all want to feel good; we all want to feel safe. And if we could, we’d probably all love to have as much fun as my mom. The challenge is that what makes you feel safe and joyful might make me feel petrified and shaking. You might love the adrenaline rush of a roller-coaster, I might need a calming lavender-scented pillow and a clear path to the door. And it’s all OK....
So many cultures, spiritual traditions, and even social and neuroscience tell us that our emotions, positive or negative, are contagious. Sometimes, we are called to be the calm one in the storm buffeting humanity, as COVID-19 has done in this lifeboat we call planet earth. For me that call first came a few years ago, in the midst of practicing a loving-kindness meditation at a very challenging job, where I worked alongside many difficult people....
Think of yourself as your own mother and your own child. The child that wants entertainment and distraction is looking for pleasure, and the mother who loves the child completely, no matter what the child does, and has enough wisdom to guide the child along the right path. Feel the love of a mother for yourself; all-embracing, all-encompassing, always helpful, caring, concerned, soothing and supportive. Now think of the person sitting nearest you as your own child, and you are the mother, embracing, supporting and caring, wanting to help, being concerned....
Indeed, a study by University of Virginia psychologist Timothy Wilson showed just how far people would go to avoid a state of boredom. In 2014, together with colleagues from Harvard, Wilson ran a series of experiments inviting participants to sit on their own for six to 15 minutes, with nothing but their own thoughts as entertainment. Most of the participants rated the experience as unpleasant—their minds wandered and they struggled to concentrate....
The film has been airing on the PBS World Channel over the past few weeks, and today is the final airing. For more information about how to watch the documentary, click here. Watch the film trailer here:
It’s normal to feel a little down sometimes, especially during these darker months, but the journey is easier when we move through it with the knowledge that we are not alone and that there are supportive, self-compassionate steps we can take to let a little light in. So, here are some guided mindfulness practices to keep in your back pocket (or the bookmarks bar on your browser) to return to any time you’re feeling the winter blues....
Our relationships, our career, the way our kids turn out—these rarely match the pictures in our minds. Maybe you love your spouse but he never remembers to take out the trash. Or your daughter is happier as an artist than a dentist. Or you were going be that boss who always stays calm but instead often loses your cool. Here’s a reflection that may help you align your view of what is with what’s really there....
As they examined the layers of meaning hidden in the simple and familiar word “dinner,” they each discovered how many associations, and how many people, they were actually bringing to that table. He talked about his father, a brutal man who was often only at home at dinnertime, which became a nightmarish experience to be escaped from as quickly as possible. She spoke of her fractured family and her mentally ill brother who consumed her mother with worry....
Have you ever noticed that your fear is not afraid even when you are terrified? Or that your awareness of depression is not depressed; that your awareness of your bad habits is not a slave to those habits; or perhaps even that your awareness of who you are is not who you think you are? You can test out any of these propositions for yourself any time you like simply by investigating awareness—by becoming aware of awareness itself....
A growing number of how-to books, mobile apps and online videos are also promoting micro-meditation, encouraging people to practice in grocery-store lineups, in taxicabs, or at their desks. To read the article, “You can find Zen in 30 seconds or less,” click here. For more on this, read A Mini-Mindful Challenge by Elisha Goldstein and Driving as Preparation by Donald Altman. 04/23/12
Day two of the challenge focuses on eliminating distractions at work. Janice Marturano, executive director of the institute and author of Finding The Space To Lead, introduced the challenge on Huffington Post Live last week to launch the challenge and you can watch the broadcast here! As Marurano writes in the current issue of Mindful magazine: The mindful leadership curricula we have been presenting combine some of the latest neuroscience discoveries with established mental disciplines drawn from the meditative tradition....
